Weight Loss Reward: Progress So Far

At the start of the year (or more like the second start of the year since I used January as a practice month), I wrote myself out a weight loss reward chart to motivate me into losing the extra weight.

I know that some people say that bribing yourself into losing weight isn't the right way to go about things but honestly, I need all the motivation - bribed or otherwise - to get myself off my ass and losing weight.

The problem is that I haven't changed anything in my diet or lifestyle to make myself this current weight.

I've always been a bit of a binge eater and the amount of sugary snacks I can wolf down is truly scary. But it's always been counteracted by the exercise that I do - which consists mainly of walking the dog and swimming. So I have always happily maintained my weight.

And then... steroids.

Those lovely little sugar coated pills. Nom nom nom!

Sure, they made me better but they also made me FAT.

I have nothing against fat and if you're happy with yourself at whatever weight then more power to you. It's just that I'm not happy being this way.

And that's the whole point. I'm not happy.

Unfortunately, I'm also very bitter over my weight gain. Which makes it more difficult for me to gather the momentum to lose weight - or to get out and exercise. I'm angry that I've not changed my diet or my exercise habits and yet I'm in this situation.

So, you might be surprised to hear that I actually beat my target for the month of March and as a result bought myself my first reward of The Big Bang Theory. Yay!

But with the downturn in my depression, I have found myself going back to my regular habits. I am nothing if not an emotional eater.

So once again I'm starting over. I can't crash diet or do anything drastic because I will ultimately end up making myself ill and having to start taking steroids again. Plus the fact that anything drastic is likely to be ridiculously foolish.

I just wish I could figure out whether I should work on my weight first because when I lose the extra weight I will ease my depression due to healthier eating, exercise and more self-esteem. (More? More like any!)

Or should I work on my depression because it's what's making me binge eat and then berate myself, pulling me further down into a catch-22 of bad eating and self recrimination? And if I am less depressed then perhaps I will learn to love myself - no matter what I look like?

It's a dilemma and one I'm sure many people face.

Loving yourself - does it mean losing weight to make yourself happy or accepting yourself as you currently are, even if it's not where you want to be?

I don't know the answer to that question and every time I try and write a sentence to answer it, I delete it and start again. I just don't know - which gives me one more excuse for lack of motivation.

We'll see what happens at my next weigh in!

13 things I would tell my 13 year old self

I have been having a lull in my life of late - but what's new there? Although it seems that all I've done is read books and write reviews, I've barely been doing even that!

But thinking - boy do I ever do a lot of thinking!

And this morning, a thought popped into my head... if I could tell my 13 year old self any bits of advice (bar telling me anything that would change the course of history and have the timeline skew into an alternate dimension!), what advice would I give me? And would it make a difference to who I've become?

This is what I came up with:

1. Don’t worry that you haven’t kissed someone yet. Those girls that have are either lying or trying to make you jealous. Your first kiss will be under the moonlight and starlit sky of the Scottish highlands - and it will be, well, mediocre…but that’s the point. Honestly, take my word for it - being an adult is nothing to shout about - be a child for as long as you can be.


2. Keep wearing your glasses. For two reasons 1) you will become the poster child for the fact that if you wear your glasses when you’re a kid then you might not need to wear them when you’re older *coughs 15* 2) When you get to 33 - you’ll want to wear glasses because they’re cool (and probably because you need them but don't tell anyone!!!)


3. Don’t believe anyone that tells you your school days are the best days of your life. They’re really not!! Really, really, not!


4. Don’t try and break your ankle by dropping a brick on it just because you don’t want to go to school. It won’t work and you’ll have to go to school anyway but this time with a sore ankle. Also, put down the scissors - you’ll only get as far as to cut your finger and it will be bloody sore! Going to school will make you tough - I promise!


5. It’s okay to cry! Even tough people cry.

6. If your friends tell you that you’re being a ‘sheep’ because you like a popular band and that you should like what they like - ignore them. Think about it - if you do what they tell you to, you ARE a sheep. Like what you like and be proud of it. And, probably more importantly - these people are not your friends.


7. On that note, you're only stuck in the same class/year as these people because your parents had sex at the same time as each other (yeah - hate to break it to you - mum and dad had sex! Bleurgh!) - you won’t remember these kids' names once you hit 18. Be nice but don’t base your likes and feelings on what they say and think - they’re not worth it!


8. Don’t drink Coke near the computer - you might spill it and then you’ll have to run away from home. Or at least you’ll have to contemplate it. And I really don’t think you’d make it alone out on the big, bad streets of Inverness. Even in 1995 when no-one could get there except by open-topped carriage.

9. Take a deep breath and breathe in that cool, fresh air. Make the most of it. One day you’ll dream of the wide open sky, clean air and peace and quiet of the Highlands.


10. Try to hold on to the joy of not having responsibilities. I don’t know if it really was a safer time back in the day or if I was just innocent. Either way - make the most of it.


11. Believe in yourself and love yourself. Honestly, it will change your whole life!


12. Don’t tell anyone else but there will never be a need to do long division without a calculator. Never! Pass the exam and then forget it and don't sweat it.


13. Enjoy yourself, be good and honestly, everything’s going to be alright!

Starting Afresh: Take 2

I'm going to be brutally honest - January has been a bit shit for me.

Rather than being excited and enthusiastic about the whole 'fresh start' and 'chance to change my life' like I usually am - I'll admit that it's been a blur of bad choices, upset and a hopelessness that has almost become the norm in my day-to-day life.

And the worst thing is - I have no idea why.

I know that depression is a flaw in chemistry rather than character - but boy is it hard not to blame yourself when you're feeling low, you don't know what's wrong and basically nobody can help.

You can help yourself, that you know - if only you can build up the enthusiasm.

Mentally and physically.

And when you can't it just reinforces the fact that this is all your fault. You are to blame for all your problems. Real, imagined, mentally and physically.

Things have changed to some degree. Despite having quite a good mask, my boss pulled me aside at the beginning of the month and questioned me about how I was feeling. She has a surprising ability to see beyond the image I present to the world. It's both appreciated and bloody annoying.

Being a crier - I cried at work until she forced me to see a doctor.

So I did. And cried some more.

He gave me new pills - yay - and the number of a therapist - yuch!

I don't like this second option for two reasons:

1) The first therapist I had was less than helpful. In fact, I'd go as far as to wonder how on earth she managed to get any kind of qualification to help those in need. Sheesh.

2) I'm an introvert. I. HATE. PHONES.

 

Last but not least in my tale of January is my weight.

As I'm sure I've moaned about before eloquently expressed previously, a couple of years ago I took a course of steroids to control my ulcerative colitis and ended up being a slave to the side effects. I.e. the munchies. Witness me ballooning by 2 stone.

Well, 2 stone turned into 3 and is continuing to creep up due to my sugar addiction and, well, my sheer laziness.

So January was a chance to get my eating under control and getting back to exercising.

February 1st is my first weigh in.

I decided to do a pre-weigh in today (January 31st) to see how I was doing.

The answer to that question was +5lb of not very well.

 

So that's it now - February begins the start of a new phase of my life.

My new mantra is this:

 

So that's me starting afresh - take 2!

10 Reasons to Read Romance

Reading has always been something that I loved to do. I was always the kid who would go back to school after the summer holiday with their reading sheet filled in on both sides (and an extra piece of paper for good measure) with all the books I had devoured.

I did suffer a lull when I hit my teens. At the time when I was a teenager there was a distinct lack of books that were aimed at my age range - more grown-up than a children’s book but not as ‘boring’ as all those adult books (please read in a know-it-all teenage voice!).

And then my mum introduced me to romance novels…

I should use this moment to thank my mum. The writers, printers, publishers and my bank manager would also like to thank my mum for the fact that her introduction has led to me single handedly keeping the romance industry afloat!

And so my obsession began.

And this obsession makes me happy. So, as the first part of my New Year’s resolution towards happiness, I have committed myself to reading a book every week.

And it’s even official since I’ve memorialised it by signing up for the reading challenge on GoodReads. Eeeek!

So, with that in mind, here are 10 reasons why it’s good to read (and specifically romance).

1. Stress reduction

I’m sure everyone at one time or another has felt stressed out - whether it’s for something huge like interviewing for a new job or something small likes the fact that someone continues to leave the toilet seat up. Or it could just be a general anxiety and stress over everyday living. Stress doesn’t discriminate.

But no matter how much stress you have or how often you have it - it is now scientifically proven that getting lost in a good book does you good and can actually reduce stress levels by 68%.

Read for just six minutes and your heart rate slows down, your muscles relax, your blood pressure lowers and your cognitive function increases. Reading works even better at reducing stress than listening to music, exercising or having a cup of tea. But I would still have a cup of tea when you sit down with your book like the doctors have now ordered you to do. Result.

2. Book boyfriends

Not only is your book boyfriend sexy, intelligent, understanding but you can have more than one of them on the go at any one time and no-one will think anything about your morals or character. You could be in bed with Jamie Fraser, on a carriage ride with Mr Darcy or even visiting the hardware store with Christian Grey - all at the same time. *swoon*

3. You will learn to read and speak good

When I was a teen and first started reading romance books, I kept a notepad by my bed where I wrote down all the words that I didn’t know. I wrote down a lot of words.

Over the years my vocabulary, spelling and grammar have increased exponentially and I feel properly smart now. All from reading romance novels.

As a bonus, if you prefer historical romance then you will find yourself well versed in words and phrases from days of old.

Conversations become so much more fun.

“Why, that fair damsel o’er there indubitably has a gigglemug.”

4. Happily. Ever. After.

If you like to read stories where the main character dies, where there’s some great moral lesson to be learned, or when the girl and guy can’t make it work, then that’s absolutely fine.

For me though, I have enough depression in my life that I don’t need to be reading of more sadness, tragedy and woe.

I want uplifting, happy stories where I don’t have to worry about what the outcome will be because I know it will end happily. It always ends happily and that’s the way I like it. In romance novels it always snows on Christmas, one of the couple always comes into a fortune right when it’s most required, and wind makes hair tousle rather than tangle. If that’s not happiness I don’t know what is.

5. To live vicariously through the characters

I’ve done a lot of things.

• I’ve owned a number of cupcake shops without having to bake or speak to any customers.
• I’ve been a lawyer without having to go to school for half my life.
• I’ve lived in the 19th century while still having access to good plumbing and decent medical care
• I’ve been kidnapped by a pirate without having to expose my hair to the sea air. Frizz - shudder!
• And I’ve fallen in love more times than I can count all because I read romance.

6. Love is awesome

What’s lovelier than love?

Love is the strongest force on earth and there is absolutely no shame in wanting to read and revel in it every day of your life. It’s what most of us, man or woman, aspire to attain after all.

7. You will realise you’re not weird after all

Have you ever worried that you’re a little bit odd? That you think or say things that other ‘normal’ people would never dream of? That no-one else is as strange as you are?

Well, when you read a romance you will find the heroines are far from perfect. They all have quirks and foibles but guess what? - the hero loves them anyway.

And as an added bonus, reading worlds, characters and scenarios dreamed up in someone else’s head will help your brain expand and, added with your own quirks, will make you a whole lot weirder than you ever dreamed possible. But by the time you’re addicted to reading, you’ll realise that being weird is absolutely bloody perfect!

8. You can use it as covert cover

While reading is definitely fun, sometimes being seemingly engrossed in a book can reap other rewards. Peeking over the top of your book in a restaurant or train station can help you covertly ogle good looking men. People are also more likely to assume that your engrossment means you aren’t fully concentrating on conversations going on around you. Sit and read your book in the office lunch room and you might just catch folk at the next table divulging a juicy piece of workplace gossip!

Or, at the very least, people will (hopefully) not talk to you if you have your nose stuck in a book.

9. You can make new friends

I’m actually not talking about friends in books (as good as those are) but you will soon find yourself able to talk to people about things that others have no clue what you’re talking about. “Oh, did you see that Jane has left Mr Rochester’s house? She’s maaaaad at him!” Yes, in no time at all you’ll be confusing characters and events in your book with real life. When you start inadvertently speaking about this in public, or on social media, someone else will invariably join in and boom - you have a friend for life. A friend you can talk to about romance novels! Yay!

10. Medicine for the soul

I love this statement from Maya Rodale: “Critics say romance novels are fluffy, escapist literature--as if that's a bad thing. I say romance novels are like a cold medicine that lets you get a good night's sleep or a pain reliever that takes the edge off your headache. They're the little bit of help and hope we need to carry on.”

To paraphrase: reading romance is like medicine for the soul.

Starting Afresh

I love New Year.

I love the possibilities. The chance to start anew and reinvent yourself. To make those dreams a reality and become the person that you’ve always wanted to be.

It’s strange then, that I find it really hard to start things off and get things moving.

Planning is my forte. I absolutely love it.

But then it’s time to start with my grand plans and I get cold feet.

I’m not actually sure why that is but I find it difficult to get the momentum to get things going.

Perhaps I’m afraid that if I begin then I’m accountable for how it goes including potential failure. I’m a perfectionist, after all, and don’t do well when things don’t go perfectly. And yes, I know that’s ridiculous and unrealistic.

But this year will be different. 2016 will be my year; a year of changes, wonder, dreams coming true and ultimately happiness.

And that is my new year’s resolution for 2016: find happiness.

That’s not to say that I won’t have supplementary resolutions but they’ll all be in pursuit of my main goal this year - to be happy.

How I get there is obviously fundamental but for the moment I’m satisfied with my primary resolution is ‘simply’ to be happy.