Starting Afresh: Take 2

I'm going to be brutally honest - January has been a bit shit for me.

Rather than being excited and enthusiastic about the whole 'fresh start' and 'chance to change my life' like I usually am - I'll admit that it's been a blur of bad choices, upset and a hopelessness that has almost become the norm in my day-to-day life.

And the worst thing is - I have no idea why.

I know that depression is a flaw in chemistry rather than character - but boy is it hard not to blame yourself when you're feeling low, you don't know what's wrong and basically nobody can help.

You can help yourself, that you know - if only you can build up the enthusiasm.

Mentally and physically.

And when you can't it just reinforces the fact that this is all your fault. You are to blame for all your problems. Real, imagined, mentally and physically.

Things have changed to some degree. Despite having quite a good mask, my boss pulled me aside at the beginning of the month and questioned me about how I was feeling. She has a surprising ability to see beyond the image I present to the world. It's both appreciated and bloody annoying.

Being a crier - I cried at work until she forced me to see a doctor.

So I did. And cried some more.

He gave me new pills - yay - and the number of a therapist - yuch!

I don't like this second option for two reasons:

1) The first therapist I had was less than helpful. In fact, I'd go as far as to wonder how on earth she managed to get any kind of qualification to help those in need. Sheesh.

2) I'm an introvert. I. HATE. PHONES.

 

Last but not least in my tale of January is my weight.

As I'm sure I've moaned about before eloquently expressed previously, a couple of years ago I took a course of steroids to control my ulcerative colitis and ended up being a slave to the side effects. I.e. the munchies. Witness me ballooning by 2 stone.

Well, 2 stone turned into 3 and is continuing to creep up due to my sugar addiction and, well, my sheer laziness.

So January was a chance to get my eating under control and getting back to exercising.

February 1st is my first weigh in.

I decided to do a pre-weigh in today (January 31st) to see how I was doing.

The answer to that question was +5lb of not very well.

 

So that's it now - February begins the start of a new phase of my life.

My new mantra is this:

 

So that's me starting afresh - take 2!

Starting Afresh

I love New Year.

I love the possibilities. The chance to start anew and reinvent yourself. To make those dreams a reality and become the person that you’ve always wanted to be.

It’s strange then, that I find it really hard to start things off and get things moving.

Planning is my forte. I absolutely love it.

But then it’s time to start with my grand plans and I get cold feet.

I’m not actually sure why that is but I find it difficult to get the momentum to get things going.

Perhaps I’m afraid that if I begin then I’m accountable for how it goes including potential failure. I’m a perfectionist, after all, and don’t do well when things don’t go perfectly. And yes, I know that’s ridiculous and unrealistic.

But this year will be different. 2016 will be my year; a year of changes, wonder, dreams coming true and ultimately happiness.

And that is my new year’s resolution for 2016: find happiness.

That’s not to say that I won’t have supplementary resolutions but they’ll all be in pursuit of my main goal this year - to be happy.

How I get there is obviously fundamental but for the moment I’m satisfied with my primary resolution is ‘simply’ to be happy.

Time to plan...

I'm sure I've mentioned just one or two times that I love the fresh start that new year brings. I watch Hogmanay on the telly, kiss my loved ones with the bells and then am straight off to bed. No hootenanny for this gal - not on this day, anyway!

So, I've made my dream board for 2014 and now it's time to change it into a planning board. What is it that they say - a dream without a plan is just a wish.

This year is going to be AWE-SOME! So I need to find out where I'm going and get going on that path.

 

J x

Happy Hogmanay

Well, as much as I adore Christmas, I have to admit that I'm quite glad that it's over for another year. I feel like I've been planning it since September (and I have, if I'm honest!) so it's nice to have a break on the horizon.

  

I thought it would be fun to fill in a wee New Year Questionnaire. I'm not a massive fan of Hogmanay but I love the fresh start and possibilities that a new year brings with it. I feel like it's a time to change and a time to put things into perspective. Although some people don't like making resolutions - I'm the complete opposite. I like to put plans into motion, to feel enthusiastic about the challenges and changes to come. No matter how far I get, it won't be a failure if I at least try.

So, onto the questions...

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
I got a tattoo and got my ears pierced a further 3 times (taking the total to 5). I also visited a psychic which I had never done before. I'm sure I did other things, too, but I have a cold and my mind is fairly fuzzy as I'm writing this.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I haven't even looked to see what they were yet so I can't say for sure. But yes, I will definitely make more resolutions for next year. Love them.

3. What countries did you visit?
Erm - I'm not sure that I set foot outside Scotland to be honest.

4. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
I would like to be happy and content. I would like the same for my family. I would also like to fall in love.

5. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Wednesday 10th July - our darling Rosie left us. :(

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Em - I think that I have two. The first is that I have managed to drag myself into a much better frame of mind than I have been before. It's been a struggle but I've come a long way. The other is to accept that some things aren't for me and just to walk away once the decision has been made.

7. What was your biggest failure?
I don't want to come across as all hippy but if you learn something - how can anything be a failure?

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Unfortunately, yes. Many and often.

9. What was the best thing you bought?
No one thing stands out above all others - I love everything I've bought!

10. Where did most of your money go?
Other than the usual - rent, food, petrol etc - most of my money has gone on books, clothes, shoes and Christmas.

11. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I get overly excited about many and most things from seeing a robin through to winning money on the lottery (not that I've ever won more than a tenner - but that's okay!). I also got super excited when Andy Murray won Wimbledon - was fantastic!

12. What song will always remind you of 2013?
'I Love It' by Icona Pop was a fairly big tune of the year and one that I quite enjoyed, too. Later in the year, Katy Perry's 'Roar' struck quite a chord. And who can forget 'Let's Get Ready to Rumble' by PJ and Duncan?

13. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
All in all, I'm happier although not happy.
I'm fatter yet not fat.
I'm both richer and poorer, if that's possible.

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Smiling, laughing, baking, organising, doing more to be happy, sewing, crafting, reading, relaxing, writing and getting my business off the ground. Not much then!!

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying, nagging, crying, getting angry and caring about people's feelings when they couldn't give a jot for mine.

16. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent Christmas with my family and lovely it was, too.

17. Did you fall in love in 2013?
No but hopefully that just means that something fab is waiting for me next year.

18. What was your favourite TV program?
My usuals - Big Bang Theory, Made in Chelsea, Great British Bake Off, Family Guy, Real Housewives franchise and I'm loving Death Comes to Pemberley.

19. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone but there are one or two people that have really shown their true colours this year.

20. What was the best book you read?
There were so many good ones that I couldn't possibly pick one. Nora Roberts, Sabrina Jeffries, Sarah MacLean, Molly O'Keefe, Julie James and a few others definitely deserve a mention for some fab books.

21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I can't think that I've discovered any new music this year - not that I haven't loved a lot of the different types of music this year.

22. What did you want and get?
I got a little better which is good enough for me.

23. What did you want and not get?
I wanted to win the lottery and find love. Maybe next year!

24. What was your favourite film of this year?
I'm not sure if I don't have favourite films, music and the like or if I just have the worst memory in the world. I can't think of any outstanding films that I have seen this year!!

25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Funnily enough, I can't remember what I did on my birthday but I do know that I turned 31! I'm actually beginning to doubt that now.

26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 
Winning the lottery or, perhaps, having the superpower to mete out justice to those who annoyed me!

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
A little bit individual but heading towards scruffy!

28. What kept you sane?
Moot question. ;)

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I was about to be all smug and say 'no-one' but then Henry Cavill popped into my head. Yum!

30. What political issue stirred you the most?
Politics is just a tin-opener for a can of worms and I just don't want to go there!!

31. Who did you miss?
My Rosie.

32. Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet any new people? I don't think that I did. People that are still in my life, I mean!

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learnt in 2013. 
A smile doesn't always indicate kindness. Not that I wasn't aware of it before but it was pointed out to me this year that people, by and large, are out for themselves only. They aren't necessarily against you (although sometimes they are) but they make their plans and their schemes for their own benefit regardless of what it does to other people.

And that's me for this year.

Happy Hogmanay and all the best for 2014.

I hope it's awesome!

J xx

Christmas can start...

The last day of work (I say work but I can guarantee not a soul did a shred of work today in my organisation - myself included!) was today and now the Christmas celebrations can properly begin. Yay!

I also have this feeling that 2014 is going to be an AWESOME year so, for that fact, I'm quite looking forward to Hogmanay, too! For once!

As I move forward, this is what I need to remember - every cloud has a silver lining.

5 more sleeps 'til Santa!!

B x