Well, ow! (Or a lesson in why a simple task may go ridiculously wrong!)

Let's set the scene:

Last night I was having a rough time of it with my UC. I don't really like to be around people when I'm feeling so shitty (no pun intended but funny and apt all the same!) but I have to take Tilly for a walk and thought I could cope. Possibly a mistake but that's neither here nor there for my story.

This evening, feeling infinitely better, myself, Tilly and my Dad went on a walk in our local park. The weather had been a mix of glorious sunshine and downpours all day meaning that Tilly hadn't been out for any exercise and was feeling a bit, well, excited! I was also excited about how much better I felt and that I had no ailments this eve.

We set off across the grass and into the woods, Dad and I keeping a sedate pace while Tilly darted around and possibly broke the sound barrier on many an occasion.

We got to the path to the beach and Tilly disappeared into the scrub trying to chase the bugs, squirrels, birds, deer, pterodactyls...

And then we came upon a stunning sight of the sea, as clear as glass yet mottled by the near setting sun blinking through the trees. Then, to give it a tiny bit of something more, a rainbow appeared on the land at the horizon.

Dad: Oh! Would you look at that view? I wonder if I could take a picture? *Starts fiddling with his phone.*

Tilly: *Bounding from the undergrowth* Look at me! Look at me! I found some giant pieces of spiky plant seed that are now stuck to my legs! Wait - I don't like them! Get them off! Get them off!

Me: Silly Tilly. Come and I'll get them off for you! *Picks them from her legs and notices a wasp in her tail.* Oooh, oooh, Dad, help!

Dad: *Mumbling* Pretty view. Cameras. Golf. iPhones. Jaffa Cakes.

Me: Help me!!

Dad: Oh! Sorry, I wasn't listening. Did you see the lovely... no, right - what can I do?

Me: Could you take that stick and try to flick the wasp from her tail while I hold her still, please? *Indicates stick to be used*

Dad: Ready? Steady? Go! *Flicks stick at Tilly's tail with an enthusiasm that was inappropriate to the situation.*

That's when time slowed down. I should have known something was up when everything started moving suspiciously like it was moving through treacle.

So, let's slow our story down too, for a quick lesson in sense. If you are flicking something off something else, where do you direct the flicking thing?

That's right - away from anything or anyone else!

Dad flicked the wasp right onto my leg.

Did I mention that I wear cut off joggers for walking in the summer? Because I do. A fact that Dad knows good and well.

Me: *Loud high pitched scream* It's on my leg, it's on my leg!

Wasp: Ha ha! Bare legs. *Stings*

Me: *Jumping around like a moron* It got me! It got me! I'm stung! Tell everyone I love them...

Dad: Cyclist coming.

Cyclist: *Whizzes down the hill while we all pretend that we're normal people in normal situations.*

Cyclist disappears.

Me: Owwwwwwww!

Dad: *Sheepishly/Grumpily* I didn't mean to flick it on your leg.

Me: *Very grumpily* That's neither here nor there. I must get to the sea. *Hobbles off towards the sea to wash my leg in salt water.*

After washing my leg in the sea, I hobbled back up the beach to where Dad was standing looking out to sea all Captain Sparrow like.

Dad: It is beautiful out there, isn't it?

Me: *Evil glare*

We walk back up the beach. Oh wait, Dad walks while I limp. Tilly bounds after some ravens.

Dad: Perhaps I just hit you with the stick? Or flicked you with my finger?

Me: *Unsubtle glare* Excuse me?

Dad: I mean, perhaps it wasn't the wasp. Perhaps it's just a scratch from the stick. *The poor thing doesn't even see the dangerous path down which he walks.*

Me: *Turning into the hulk* I can tell you by the pain that I. Have. Been. Stung.

Dad: Hmmmm.

Me: This is my first wasp sting - if I die, I'm coming back to haunt you! *Stomps hops away*

The walk continued and I managed to make it to the park gates without much pain (although I did keep getting sharp stabbing pain every now and then - should I be worried?).

As we reached the gates this happened:

Dad: Perhaps you did get stung - it does look quite red.

Me: Oh good - thank you! I'm sorry that my pain wasn't enough proof for you! *I don't even need to point out that this was sarcasm!*

Dad: Wasps can just land on you without stinging you, you know. *Nods sagely*

Me: *Through gritted teeth* Really?


So here I sit, my leg/ankle thing a little bit swollen, feeling a bit crap and about to go and put wasp stings into WebMD. If you don't hear from me for a while, I have fashioned a leg amputation device using flint and dods of wood and am now in the hospital. Whether that's the normal hospital or a mental health facility remains to be seen.

Going Loco...

I'm going to go on a moan here and say that I hate the fact that when my anxiety and depression acts up, my UC also begins to flare.

Perhaps it's the other way around.

Thinking about it - it is the other way around. Or it certainly feels like that.

The first sign of blood and, even if my brain is already on a downward spiral, it just plummets.

It totally sucks.

Then I read this in a Harvard Medical School publication (that sounds so much better than 'I found this on the internet'!)

"The brain has a direct effect on the stomach. For example, the very thought of eating can release the stomach’s juices before food gets there. This connection goes both ways. A troubled intestine can send signals to the brain, just as a troubled brain can send signals to the gut. Therefore, a person’s stomach or intestinal distress can be the cause or the product of anxiety, stress, or depression. That’s because the brain and the gastrointestinal (GI) system are intimately connected — so intimately that they should be viewed as one system."

 So basically either my depression is causing my UC symptoms. Or, my UC is causing my depression.

That's doesn't really help me but it's nice to know that when I get to the bottom of one of my diseases, the other one should stop causing me so much bother, too. Something to be positive about - that's a silver lining.

I also saw this really interesting post and it was just so true...

It sucks for me but I completely admit that it must suck hugely for my loved ones, too.

Hopefully I can bounce back and get back to 'normal' soon.

I hate my guts...

Well, my ulcerative colitis is flaring again and it's really getting me down.

It's slightly unlike other flares that I've had in that I'm not getting up through the night (except the two or three times that I have to get up to let Tilly out!) but the pain is really something. The abdominal pain has spread to my right hand side. I say spread rather than moved because it's still on the left hand side too! It likes to be generous! I say pain but it's not a stabbing sensation, more like a continual wrenching of my innards. Sometimes I think I would prefer a sharp pain rather than this dullness.

Anyway, my nurse has given me new meds - Pentasa tablets, enemas and Prednisolone enemas to use alongside my azathioprine to try and calm me down and stop the flare. I'm both upbeat that these new meds will help me and a little bit bit anxious about the change.

While I'm grateful for my excellent docs and nurses, I can't help but feel a little down. There's nothing quite like feeling sorry for yourself when you're incapacitated with a flare.

The online colitis and Crohn's community is very helpful and on trawling through the 'net, I came across a great little article entitled '11 Things Not to Say to Someone with Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis' from Health.com. It actually hits all my buttons!

What Not To Say to Someone with Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis

1. You Don't Look Sick
I tend to look a little pale when I'm flaring but since I'm pale anyway, I can often look ok on the outside. For me, the worst part is the exhaustion and abdominal pain because they can knock you flat without anyone seeing anything to 'prove' it.

2. I Know What You're Going Through
This would be my number one. The amount of people that tell me they understand my pain because they have IBS is unbelievable. No offence, but unless you have UC, you really don't know how it feels.

3. You've Lost Weight. You Look Great!
I've actually never had this one. When I was first diagnosed I used to get "You're so thin you look awful." Seven years later and I still have no comeback for that statement.

4. You're So Lucky - You Can Eat Anything and Stay Skinny
This is probably more for those with Crohn's as I've never had this one said to me!

5. You've Really Put On Weight
I personally think that this statement shouldn't be said to anyone. How mean!

6. Is Is Okay For You to Eat That?
This irritates me no end. Whether it does or it doesn't, it's up to me and I'm probably the best one to tell. However, I admit that I dislike people telling me what to do in general!!

7. Come On, Try A Bite
When I was first diagnosed, I was on a bland diet to control my symptoms. I told my work colleagues so that they could support me. Instead, they started trying to get me to eat things like chocolate muffins ("One mini muffin won't hurt!") which I adore but knew would hurt more than I could cope with at the time. They wouldn't take no for an answer and I will always remember taking a mini muffin and having to break it up to look like it was being eaten and then hiding the bits in my bag before disposing of it when I left for the day.

8. You Must Have A Lot of Stress in Your Life
I've never had this and I actually wouldn't mind it being asked because I do. It's partially a result of my anxious personality but that doesn't make it any less stressful!

9. Can You Wait Until the Next Exit?
Sadly enough, I would rather keep quiet because I don't like to inconvenience anyone else. If I did ask, I would hope people would take me seriously. They'll be the ones facing the consequences (and the valeting bill) if they don't!

10. Why Are You So Tired?
I don't think anything says it better than this: Jill Plevinsky hates when her friends and family try to get her to do things she's not up for by saying, "Oh, come on. You can't be that tired." She likes to answer them by saying, "If you lost as much blood as I do with each bowel movement, you'd be pretty wiped out too."

11. You Need To Change Your Diet
Although the food a person eats can affect their symptoms during a flare-up, there's no evidence that diet causes inflammatory bowel diseases or brings on flare-ups. It is important, however, for people with colitis and Crohn's to eat as healthy and balanced a diet as possible—which they most likely know already.


Now that my giant moan is out of the way, I came across some UC funnies.