Sunday, 26 January 2014

Damn the blips...

I had a little blip today, mentally speaking.

I've narrowed it down to a few things that are happening in my life, friends wise, that have upset me a little bit.

For various reasons, I've always pushed people away who try to get too close to me. I no longer speak to anyone from my school days, university and really only speak to other people that I've connected with through the years on Facebook - which I rarely look at.

I am a card carrying introvert who also has depression and anxiety, so that's not really unexpected - I just sometimes wish I could find people that I connect with who I will want to let into my quiet little world. I often think I've found a few of those precious friends but it always turns out that they don't like me quite as much as I like them. I remember birthdays, notice little things, ask and am interested in people but no-one seems to take that much care with me. Oh, I'm no saint, not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and a giant pain in the ass - but I often feel like I put other people first while I'm quite low down on their lists if I'm on their lists at all.

I saw this quote on Pinterest (where else?) and it really spoke to how I'm feeling today.

I just wish that I could find friends who will jump more than puddles for me.

Thank goodness for my family who always stick by me and understand that my depression isn't going to be cured overnight. They would cross oceans just as I would for them.

Saturday, 25 January 2014


There are lots of things going on, not just with me but with people that I care about, that made this quote really hit home.

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Yep, I'm a badass!

Sometimes I feel like it's all too much but when I saw this it made me laugh so hard...

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Top Ten Tuesday

After yesterday's 'confession' (which isn't much of a confession seeing as writing romance has been a lifelong dream of mine!) I stumbled across a great blog written by a new author who has just had her book accepted for publication by Harlequin Mills & Boon. Stephanie London's story is very inspiring and it really makes me want to dig out my pen and get something down on paper. It might not come to anything but I've got to try, right?

Anyway, on Stephanie's blog there was a link to another blog, The Broke and the Bookish, who host a Top Ten Tuesday. To put it simply, this combines a love of books with a love of lists. These people are surely after my very own heart! So, I thought I would toss my cap into the ring and join in!

The topic this Tuesday is...

So here we go... I'd love to see:

1. More books by Julie James. Love, love, love her books so if she could faster then that would be grand! ;)

2. More FBI heroes. I'd love to read more stories about FBI agents that don't concentrate on some of the more seedier crimes. Corporate crimes would suit me nicely!

3. More Lawyers as heroes/heroines. Sharp, sassy and full of banter. I might not want to be part of the corporate world but I love reading about it.

4. More books set in Scotland that don't attempt terrible accents (or any accent at all!)

5. More books with people who start up their own businesses but still have time to fall in love.

6. More series books by Nora Roberts. Her trilogies and quartets are happy books for me and I just love the way they make me feel so positive and upbeat.

7. Movies made into books. The books that are made into movies are always so much better so I would like to see some movies (particularly action adventure films that aren't necessarily romantic) turned into books with a lot more lovey dovey stuff thrown in.

8. More introverted heroines. Proper introverts who manage to still get their man.

9. More nerdy heroes. I love nerdy guys that are secretly buff. It's a Clark Kent fantasy, I suppose.

10. Real life love stories. I'm intrigued by the thought of fictional stories based on real life couples overcoming the obstacles and falling in love.

That was surprisingly difficult for someone who just needs hugging, kissing and canoodling in a book to make me like it!

Monday, 20 January 2014

I want to write...

At the moment, I'm in a little bit of a crossroads in my life.

I've decided that I'm leaving my 'old' life behind and moving into an exciting new world.

It's not without a lot of fear. Am I doing the right thing? Will I have enough money to live on? Will I regret my decisions?

I had stepped onto the path when my first challenge came; I received an offer of an interview for a great position in the city. No matter having decided to walk away from the rat race, I have to admit that I wavered. This was the easy path dangling a carrot in front of me - tempting me away from what I had decided upon.

It's not so much the temptation that was a problem, it was the way that the little devil on my shoulder used the temptation to whisper negative thoughts into my head. Suddenly the path that I have chosen and the one I really want, felt a little, well, tarnished. My conviction was being chipped away in the light of my never ending dilemma - dreams vs responsibility.

At the same time as I'm having a life overhaul mentally, I'm having one materialistically, too. I'm going through everything I own deciding what I want to keep, what I want to sell, what I want to donate to charity and what I just want to turf!

While doing that, I've found so many bits of paper that I kept because they had funny sayings on them or things I wanted to keep but had nowhere to store. (It's like my whole life I've been crying out for Pinterest!). I found the following list of the top reasons I should be a romance writer.

I'm taking it as a sign.

Friday, 17 January 2014

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Taking Back My Life...

I think I was in primary 1 when I first got glasses. It didn't bother me - they were pink with My Little Pony on them!

I wore them all through primary school where I was good at sports and did well in classes. Only one other girl had glasses in my class but I don't remember anyone ever making comment on them.

Things seemed to change when I got to secondary school. Glasses = swot and there were plenty of people who felt inclined to point it out to me. Regardless of the misery of my high school years, I still worked hard enough to get into university.

In uni I studied marketing and business law and graduated in due course.

After that I got a placement with an agency then moved onto a company and worked my way up to marketing executive. I've been in marketing ever since.

It can be quite a fun job and I'm quite good at it (if I do say so myself). The thing is... I don't want a high power, stressful job.

I would quite like to work in my own cafe or bookshop. Working away but with enough time to spend on the things in life I enjoy - writing, reading, family, crafts, gardening, baking.

The problem is that I've busted my ass and my mind for my career over the years. Surely if I give up now it will all have been for nothing. I'm also worried that people will think that I've failed somehow if I give up my good job for something they deem as, well, less.

What worries me is that I fear that the "people" I'm worried about might just be myself.

Regardless, I am determined to make the decisions to take back my life and live it the way I want to live it.

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

This year...

I always love resolutions and the start of a fresh New Year.

There two images show just how I'm feeling at the moment.


Sunday, 12 January 2014


With my last job, I was desperate to be kept on when my contract ended. Not because I was doing my dream job but because it was tolerable and it kept money coming in.

I didn't get what I wanted.

When I saw the quote below, I realised that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all.


Saturday, 11 January 2014

I hate my guts...

50 Colorful and Funny T-Shirt Designs for Daily Inspiration

Well, my ulcerative colitis is flaring again and it's really getting me down.

It's slightly unlike other flares that I've had in that I'm not getting up through the night (except the two or three times that I have to get up to let Tilly out!) but the pain is really something. The abdominal pain has spread to my right hand side. I say spread rather than moved because it's still on the left hand side too! It likes to be generous! I say pain but it's not a stabbing sensation, more like a continual wrenching of my innards. Sometimes I think I would prefer a sharp pain rather than this dullness.

Anyway, my nurse has given me new meds - Pentasa tablets, enemas and Prednisolone enemas to use alongside my azathioprine to try and calm me down and stop the flare. I'm both upbeat that these new meds will help me and a little bit bit anxious about the change.

While I'm grateful for my excellent docs and nurses, I can't help but feel a little down. There's nothing quite like feeling sorry for yourself when you're incapacitated with a flare.

The online colitis and Crohn's community is very helpful and on trawling through the 'net, I came across a great little article entitled '11 Things Not to Say to Someone with Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis' from It actually hits all my buttons!

What Not To Say to Someone with Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis

1. You Don't Look Sick
I tend to look a little pale when I'm flaring but since I'm pale anyway, I can often look ok on the outside. For me, the worst part is the exhaustion and abdominal pain because they can knock you flat without anyone seeing anything to 'prove' it.

2. I Know What You're Going Through
This would be my number one. The amount of people that tell me they understand my pain because they have IBS is unbelievable. No offence, but unless you have UC, you really don't know how it feels.

3. You've Lost Weight. You Look Great!
I've actually never had this one. When I was first diagnosed I used to get "You're so thin you look awful." Seven years later and I still have no comeback for that statement.

4. You're So Lucky - You Can Eat Anything and Stay Skinny
This is probably more for those with Crohn's as I've never had this one said to me!

5. You've Really Put On Weight
I personally think that this statement shouldn't be said to anyone. How mean!

6. Is Is Okay For You to Eat That?
This irritates me no end. Whether it does or it doesn't, it's up to me and I'm probably the best one to tell. However, I admit that I dislike people telling me what to do in general!!

7. Come On, Try A Bite
When I was first diagnosed, I was on a bland diet to control my symptoms. I told my work colleagues so that they could support me. Instead, they started trying to get me to eat things like chocolate muffins ("One mini muffin won't hurt!") which I adore but knew would hurt more than I could cope with at the time. They wouldn't take no for an answer and I will always remember taking a mini muffin and having to break it up to look like it was being eaten and then hiding the bits in my bag before disposing of it when I left for the day.

8. You Must Have A Lot of Stress in Your Life
I've never had this and I actually wouldn't mind it being asked because I do. It's partially a result of my anxious personality but that doesn't make it any less stressful!

9. Can You Wait Until the Next Exit?
Sadly enough, I would rather keep quiet because I don't like to inconvenience anyone else. If I did ask, I would hope people would take me seriously. They'll be the ones facing the consequences (and the valeting bill) if they don't!

10. Why Are You So Tired?
I don't think anything says it better than this: Jill Plevinsky hates when her friends and family try to get her to do things she's not up for by saying, "Oh, come on. You can't be that tired." She likes to answer them by saying, "If you lost as much blood as I do with each bowel movement, you'd be pretty wiped out too."

11. You Need To Change Your Diet
Although the food a person eats can affect their symptoms during a flare-up, there's no evidence that diet causes inflammatory bowel diseases or brings on flare-ups. It is important, however, for people with colitis and Crohn's to eat as healthy and balanced a diet as possible—which they most likely know already.

Now that my giant moan is out of the way, I came across some UC funnies.

Funny Confession Ecard: I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can't trust my farts.

True story.
Semi-Colon Black T-ShirtColitis "I hate my guts!" Kids Light T-Shirt IBD problems

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Meet Tilly...

It's 2014 and I am currently out of the rat race. Whether this is temporary or permanent remains to be seen but more about that later.

With time on my hands and the knowledge that 2014 is going to be the most AWE-SOME year, I did something that I've wanted to do for years and have been planning for almost as long. I got a puppy!

Meet Tilly.

She's a liver and white cocker spaniel. She's too cute for words, enjoys eating stones (why?) and for such a small thing, she has already bruised my arm, fingers, ear, nose and neck!

Today she learned to bark.

I was at a crossroads. Did I acknowledge the total adorability of the cute little bark by laughing, smiling and treating her like the clever dog she is? Or, in order to make sure barking doesn't become a persistent occurrence, should I put a harsh look on my face, shake my head and give a firm no.

I'm a responsible dog owner so I did the right thing. I looked at her in shock and then started to laugh uncontrollably. I'll decide which path to take the next time she barks at me!

I have to admit that she's exhausting! I'm also currently flaring so to say I'm wabbit is a tiny bit of an understatement. Luckily, not being in the rat race means that I don't have to do my hair, make-up, clothes, shower or any of those other pesky things!!

But welcome to Tilly. She'll be a fab friend

I'm leaving the above in - that was Tilly bouncing onto the keyboard as I typed!!

Good times!

Friday, 3 January 2014

Time to plan...

I'm sure I've mentioned just one or two times that I love the fresh start that new year brings. I watch Hogmanay on the telly, kiss my loved ones with the bells and then am straight off to bed. No hootenanny for this gal - not on this day, anyway!

So, I've made my dream board for 2014 and now it's time to change it into a planning board. What is it that they say - a dream without a plan is just a wish.

This year is going to be AWE-SOME! So I need to find out where I'm going and get going on that path.

J x