Pancakes - good or bad?

Happy Pancake Day!

I have to admit that I wasn't very smart when I did my menu plan for this week and on the table tonight is actually baked chicken Parmesan meatballs in tomato cream sauce - fancy! - instead of pancakes.

In Scotland we have Scotch pancakes instead of crepes on Shrove Tuesday. Of course, we just call them pancakes! I think the English call them dropped scones to differentiate them from pancakes aka crepes. Did I ever mention that all these nationalities that make up the British are properly weird!!?

I'll just have to hope that someone will bring in pancakes to work today so I don't have to go without on a day where you're allowed to treat yourself.

But that bothers me. Why am I "allowed" to treat myself on this day and not others? And for that matter, why do we label some foods as "good" and some as "bad"? Who's to decide which is which?

It's making me think of the ways in which we label our foods

I've noticed that there is so much pressure on people these days. As much as I love the internet, you see the lives of other people and assume that they are superwomen with high-powered jobs, clean houses, well-behaved kids and rocking bodies. Unlike me, you tell yourself.

Fear not - you can have all that, too, according to the media etc. All you have to do is undertake this diet, follow this plan, avoid these pitfalls, get up at 4am and have a positive attitude.

It's bloody exhausting.

And then I've got to create a perfect meal in just 15 minutes and am given this never ending list of  what's good and what's bad. Cheese is too high in fat, chocolate is high fat, dairy is, well, dairy, meat is evil, vegetables have too much sugar, potatoes have carbs - it's enough to drive you to drink. And yay, you can have a glass of wine because it's high in anti-oxidents. But don't have wine because you'll raise your risk of whatever disease you can think of!

Sigh! I'll just sit here and chew my piece of parsley, then.

In my own case, my Ulcerative Colitis means that I have extra problems with what I can eat. I can't tolerate seeds, nuts or grains - so wholemeal things are out the window. It's white bread all the way. The "bad" bread! Vegetables do things to me that I won't upset y'all by talking about (begins with p- and ends with -oop) and plenty of other "good" things leave me in agony.

So I've decided that the people who designate things as "good" or "bad" don't know what they're talking about as every single person is different.

But no-one should finish eating and feel such guilt over whether they have eaten enough of the "good" stuff. No-one should decide to skip meals because they think it's healthier than eating "bad" foods.

No-one should feel any guilt over food at all.

So my new motto is this:

If we take away the guilt over the foods we're told are "bad" and we stop telling ourselves that these foods are forbidden temptations - they lose their hold over us.

Have as much chocolate cake as you like.

Drink as much coffee as you want.

But...and here's the hard bit...remember that having a licence to do something doesn't mean you should do it all the time.

Just know that you're allowed to treat yourself to a piece of cake when you've been sweating your arse off (sorry for the swearing, mum!) or not eating snacks between meals for a week.

You're allowed to do whatever you want. Just listen to your body, learn to hear the signals of what it needs (rather than just wants) and food will stop becoming an obsession and start becoming a real pleasure.

So that's what' I'm giving up for Lent - labelling food as "good" or "bad" in order to stop my terrible obsession with food.

And now, since this has been a bit of a ranty post - I will leave you with the recipe of my favourite pancakes from Be-ro.

Ingredients

100g (4oz) Self Raising Flour
50g (2oz) salt
1 medium egg
4 x 15ml tbsp milk to mix
few drops lemon essence (optional)


Method

1	Mix flour, salt and sugar, add egg and gradually beat in enough milk to make a thick batter.
2	Add essence, if used.
3	Cook 2 or 3 at a time by dropping spoonfuls of the mixture on a moderately hot, well-greased griddle.
4	Cook until the underside is golden brown and the top is covered with bubbles, about 3 minutes.
5	Turn and brown on the other side. Serve buttered, hot or cold.
	N.B A baking griddle should be well-greased, then heated until a little water sprinkled on the surface skips about in balls, evaporating. A frying pan makes a good substitute

Enjoy!

Granny's Fudge and a New Plan...

About a month ago my Granny went into a care home.

Such a simple sentence to write and yet it doesn't begin to describe the stress and detail that went into the 6 or so weeks going from independent living (to some degree), into hospital and then into a care home.

It was a difficult time (although definitely more so for my mum) but if I'm honest, it's been a blessing in disguise. Granny is now in a safe and lovely environment with people who are trained and ready to help her with everything she needs. Her room looks like a room from a Travel Lodge (which by my tastes, ain't that shabby) and she not only gets three home cooked meals a day (two courses) but biscuits and homebaking too. She has met interesting people who are in the same situation as she is and gets to enjoy their company rather than sitting by herself in her house. Plus there's entertainment laid on for them every day; Last week she was sporting newly polished nails and a pearl* bracelet that she won during a scrabble tournament. For my granny, the change has definitely been a positive one.

* Most likely an imitation!

I have decided that Care Homes have an unnecessarily bad reputation. Hell, I want to go into one now - it's like university dorms for old people! I don't even want to imagine what those crazy cats get up to when visiting hours are over!

Anyway, Granny has been at the forefront of my mind for a wee while now and so it's no surprise that some of the things that she was 'famous' for are coming back to me. One thing I remember is that whenever we visited there were always three things on offer:

1) Fudge Slice
2) Iced Sponge
3) Chocolate Cake

Surprisingly, I wasn't a fan of the chocolate cake which meant the Fudge Slice and Iced Sponge were all mine! With a hankering for Fudge Slice I decided to air out my Granny's recipe and give it a whirl.

It might not be the prettiest thing in the world but boy, if you're looking for a shot of sugar with chocolate on the top then this is a quick and easy way to get it.

The bottom of this slice is a sweet and creamy fudge with a bit of crunch from the crushed biscuits. A thin layer of chocolate on the top pulls it all together alongside some chocolate crunch sprinkles for prettiness and texture! Being quite sweet, you can't eat too many of these in one go - perfect if you're a food binger like me!


What you need:
4 oz margarine
1 small tin of condensed milk
4 oz sugar (castor or granulated)
2 tbsps syrup (to be honest, I forgot this and it still tasted delish!)
9 oz digestive biscuits
8oz chocolate of your choice
chocolate sprinkles of your choice


What you do:
Put the margarine, condensed milk, sugar and syrup in a pan and melt oh so slowly.

When all the ingredients are blended, put the heat on low-medium and heat for approximately 8 minutes. Keep stirring so that the mixture never sticks to the bottom of the pan (it goes brown when it does this and ruins the look as well as the taste of the fudge). The sugar will dissolve and the mixture will change to a warm golden hue.

Take your biscuits and pop them into a bag. Smash 'em up real good! The smoother you make your crumbs, the smoother your fudge will be. With the best will in the world, I always end up with little lumps but it adds a little extra, I say!

Remove the mixture from the heat and add the biscuits. Stir and blend well.

Pop the mixture into a swiss roll tin (a tin approximately 34cm x 20cm x 3cm) and press down. Allow to cool before adding your chocolate (aka the best bit!).

Melt your chocolate either over a pan of boiling water or in the microwave. I normally melt in a microwave with no issues but I've had a couple of horrors the last few times and I've managed to burn the chocolate. Not only do you then suffer the upset of wasting chocolate, the smell of burnt chocolate is just disgusting. Then there's the other problem of convincing yourself that the burnt chocolate will taste fine, eating it and then wanting to hurl. Burnt chocolate never tastes okay, people. Bleurgh!

Once the chocolate is nice and smooth, pour it over the fudge mixture. Add your chocolate sprinkles if you're using them and leave to cool at room temperature (you don't want any of the white fluff that appears if you pop chocolate in the fridge!).

Cut into tasty bars, eat and enjoy!

The new plan refers to a new way of thinking that I have decided to adopt.

I have realised (not that it's such a big surprise) that I just don't have the desire or inclination to give up yummy food that is traditionally seen as 'bad'. And why should I? Life is short - eat the damn chocolate!

Having said that with such conviction, I do suffer from low self-esteem and I complete hatred of my body image. I'll also admit that I do comfort eat those 'bad' foods. When I say comfort eat I mean binge. Eating one piece of something isn't bad. Eating the whole tray of goodies in one go - that's not healthy.

My dilemma is this:
I like to eat.
I like to eat things that have a large amount of sugar and fat.
I want to continue to eat these things because, as mentioned above, life is short.
Unfortunately, I berate myself daily for my 'bad' food choices and how this makes me feel about myself and my body.
I don't want to continue that.

So, my only option is to exercise.

I think that this (pinned to my Fitness and Health Pinterest board) pretty much sums up what needs to be my motto going forward.

So my new plan is this:

Continue to enjoy baking and eating scrumptious food (although maybe not so gluttonously!).
Exercise to keep my mind and body happy and in order.

I'll let you know how I get on!

Non V-Day Cookies...

As I mentioned previously, a fan of Valentine's Day I ain't.

Having said that... as one of my resolutions to enjoy my life, I decided to celebrate all of the holidays that I don't normally celebrate. Some, because I just haven't done so. And some because I have absolutely no right to be celebrating them (mainly because I'm not Mexican, Jewish, American and etc).

When I say celebrate, what I really mean is make some yummy food decorated in the style of the holiday in question. To me, there's something about food that brings people together and makes people happy. A lot of my happiest family memories go hand in hand with tasty treats.

All of the above is just an attempt to not come across like a hypocrite when I show you the crunchy, glittery cookies I made for Valentine's Day.

The cookies themselves are a simple, buttery, crunchy biscuit iced with a pinky red icing and some edible glitter. They were delish although they didn't last long unfortunately!!

I'm not really sure why I'm calling them cookies rather than biscuits. Adding a touch of glamour to the proceedings, perhaps?!

A visit to the Dietitian

Today I had an appointment with a dietitian. In preparation for this appointment, last night I googled 'questions to ask a dietician' and came up with some, well, unusual responses.

• Ask what your BMR is
• Ask what your BMI is
• Ask what your TDEE is

Wow! You might as well have told me to ask what my C3PO is for all the sense that the above made to me! Surely diet is a bit more simple than that?

As most will know, I have Ulcerative Colitis which does cause a little bit of trouble for me in the bowel department. Most people conclude that diet plays little to no part in the causing of, or the treatment of Ulcerative Colitis. Now I'm not a medical professional - far from it - but I have never been able to understand why most experts believe that what you eat doesn't make a difference to a disease that is all about the bowel. But that's just me.

So, being one to ignore people and find things out for myself, I have, over the last 7 years (since diagnosis) tried a variety of elimination diets to determine what I can and cannot eat. Or should and should not eat. Unfortunately, even by keeping a detailed food diary, I couldn't pinpoint any particular foods or groups of food that consistently had an effect on how I felt physically.

I was coming to the conclusion that all foods hated me.

Then, of course, there is the link with mental health. When I'm feeling low, that certainly does affect what I eat, how much I eat and if I eat. And how I feel afterwards.

So - what to do? My doctor decided to refer me to the dietitian for some help and advice and I was keen to go.

Other than the rather baffling questions above - I specifically wanted to know whether I was intolerant to gluten, to lactose or some other crazy thing! Basically, what should I eat, or not eat, to make me feel better?

This is probably a good time to mention, rather ashamedly, that my diet is, erm, not the best. I don't drink a lot of fizzy juices, I don't eat takeaways and I don't tend to drink alcohol. Good? Well...

I do eat a lot of chocolate, sweets and chocolate. Oh, and chocolate.

If I'm ever too tired to eat, don't have anything planned or am just looking for a pick me up, I turn to chocolate. Sure it hurts my stomach, but so does most food and I figure that at least I'm not eating full meals AND chocolate!

I know, I know - it all sounds a wee bit silly when you write it down but, as the dietitian mentioned today, food is such a big part of our lives, but it's also routine. You can almost switch off when you're doing it because it's so... normal.

So, the dietitian...

I went in and told my story, as above. She then asked me the question that I had dreaded - what have you eaten today? I answered truthfully that I had eaten an apple. And a chocolate orange. By this time it was 2.30pm so there were more things about that statement that were shameful than you would first think. I was trying to defend myself when I realised that my excuse was that I wouldn't have had the chocolate orange but my colleague didn't want to eat his birthday cake until the afternoon so I had to have something other than cake for breakfast/lunch.

As excuses go - it's pretty shit.

Luckily for me, the dietitian has seen it all - heard it all.

Then she said something that surprised me. She said that my first issue is making sure that I eat consistently.

What - does it not matter what I eat?

Of course it does but I was told to take it one step at a time. My first task is to eat consistently.

As the dietitian pointed out, on some mornings I'm eating breakfast, and others not. Then sometimes I eat lunch at 12noon, sometimes 1.30pm and sometimes not at all. Tea is rather the same story. So, my bowels, already not in pristine health, are being overwhelmed. When will she eat? What will she eat? It's very possible that my stomach isn't reacting to the food itself, but the fact that sometimes it gets healthy food, sometimes it gets unhealthy food and sometimes nothing at all.

It's an interesting thought and one which I hadn't actually considered before.

So, before I can decide if I have any intolerances, I have to make sure my body knows when it will get food and to feed it with consistent portions with protein, veggies and carbs in each meal. Only then will my stomach settle down enough to be able to conclusively say whether it's the food that affecting me or just the inconsistent diet and schedule.

So, as appointments go - it was useful.

And at least she didn't tell me to avoid chocolate, biscuits and good stuff over the Christmas period! Double bonus!

Happiness is...

It's been a tough week. As I'm determined to see the good in things - I will admit that despite all that has been going on, I have had a little bit of a wake up call as to how my illness (depression rather than UC) must have affected my family.

I have always been grateful of the way that my family have stood with me as I fell to my lows. They have given me advice and, when I didn't want to hear anything, they just held my hand and let me know they were there for me.

This last week, however, I have learned to appreciate them even more and am even more thankful for everything that they have done for me.

So the things that have been keeping me happy this particular week are...

Christmas started in my house with my trusty Christmas desktop and my fab USB lights:

The next bit of Christmassy goodness came when I attended my first Christmas concert of the season. The singing was superb (perhaps not so much the tunes with audience participation!) and I also doubled up by having my first mince pie and mulled wine of 2013. Needless to say, it will also be the last mulled wine I have this year! Mulled wine always seems like something that should taste delicious... but it's howfing. Plus, I haven't had any alcohol since my Snowball (retro 70s - yeah!) last Christmas so even a small glass gave me a good ol' glow!!

 



My tree is up! This is a picture of it in the daytime and everyone knows that Christmas trees are most magical at night so expect another picture soon!

I've also started a new book. Sarah MacLean's 'No Good Duke Goes Unpunished'. It's a historical romance and even though it's not a festive read - it arrived in the post the other day (I pre-ordered it in May in case anyone's reading this and thinks I broke the 'don't buy yourself anything in the run up to Christmas' rule!) and I just had to start reading it right away. The chilly nights, bundled up warm and toasty on the couch covered in a crochet blanket. Add in a cup of tea and book - what could be better?

And, of course, being Christmas, we have to get a cheesy pic of people snogging under the mistletoe! Or under the angel and rudolph headbands at the very least!

It's the little things!

Three Cheese and Roasted Tomato Tear & Share Bread

Being a sweet girl rather than savoury (in tastes if not in personality) - I am much more likely to reach for a slab of chocolate or cupcake rather than a piece of bread. I was going to add 'when I'm hungry' but who am I trying to kid?

Anyway, things change.

And this bread recipe definitely contributed to that.

Let me introduce to you... Three Cheese and Roasted Tomato Tear & Share Bread.

I'll pause a second while you digest the yumminess of that name.

And while you're waiting, I'll show you a picture of it to whet your appetite.

Ooooh.

Not only does this look good, it tastes rather fab, too. I've seen other tear and share bread recipes around the internet but putting your own little spin on something really makes it personal and makes it sure that it will be something you're sure to enjoy.

It was a good day for making bread yesterday. Although it was bitterly cold, the sun was shining in through the windows. Despite this, my old stone house didn't stand a chance of heating up so the heating was on full blast. So that's sunny and toasty conditions on the windowsill. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

So let's crack on with the show.

Three Cheese and Roasted Tomato Tear and Share Bread

What you need:

For the bread
8oz white bread flour
4oz plain flour
250ml (approx 8 1/2 fl oz) warm water
1/4 oz instant yeast
1 1/2 oz castor sugar
A generous pinch of salt (I used about 1/4 tsp)

For the filling
A good dash of herbs (either fresh or dried)
2 oz butter, melted
A decent handful of cheeses (I used edam and mature cheddar)
Some soft cheese (I used a garlic and herb variety)
3 tomatoes, roasted in the oven, skins removed and left to cool


Directions:

I'm not a baking puritan (except when it comes to using weights to measure out ingredients!) so I used my Kenwood to do all the hard graft. Feel free to do this by hand if you fancy - more power to you!

1. The first thing to do is roast your tomatoes. Pop them into the oven (at about 180 C) for approximately 20 minutes until the skin has puffed up. Take them out the oven and leave them to cool.

2. In your mixing bowl add the water, sugar and yeast. Using your 'K' beater (or general mixing paddle) gently add in the bread flour and mix on a slow speed. This is simply to stop your flour going everywhere except where you want it to be! This didn't work for me as my flour always has a mind of its own. I'm going to pretend it's all part of the experience!

3. Change onto your dough hook (which looks suspiciously like something Cpt. Hook donated) and add the plain flour until the dough forms. If you need to, add a little more water so that it comes together. Let the machine knead the dough for 10 minutes until it has come together nicely and isn't sticking to the sides of the bowl.

4. A little bit of kneading is required now but just a little. Pop the dough onto a floured surface and knead so that your ball of dough is lovely, smooth and round. Lightly oil a bowl (bigger than the size of your dough - it's going to get bigger!) and add your dough. Put cling film over the top of the bowl and leave it in a toasty place for a couple of hours until it's approximately doubled in size. It pains me to say that this break gives you an ideal chance to tidy up as you go along. Or, you could just watch Christmas movies like I did and leave the clearing up until much, much later!

 

5. Once it's puffed up (and your movie has finished) place the bread onto a floured unit and give it a pounding until it's a flat shape resembling a large rectangle approximately 1cm thick. I don't know why I don't have a picture of the bread once it's on the unit but here it is after rising!

6. Now it's time to melt your butter and grate your cheese. Drizzle the melted butter over the top of your dough rectangle. Generously sprinkle your grated cheese and herbs over the top so that it covers every piece of dough. Now put some blobs of soft cheese all over the dough so that it's evenly spaced but quite sparse.

 

7. Now get your tomatoes. They should easily be cool enough to handle and the skin should easily slip off. Pop a knife into each tomato and allow the majority of the juices to flow out. Chop (or just tear with your hands) so that the tomatoes are in bite sized chunks. Scatter these over the dough and cheese.

8. Find a standard bread tin for your loaf. Tip it onto its short side in preparation for receiving the dough. Check the size of your tin so that you can begin to cut your dough into the correct size pieces. You should be aiming for bits of dough that are roughly the size of the tin but this is a grabby time of bread - the more rustic it looks, the better!

9. Cut your dough into squares and pile them into your tin. Your filling will fall out - just pop it back in or sprinkle it over the top once you're done. All the dough should fit roughly into the tin.

10. More rising now - cling film your loaf tin again and put it back in its cosy home for about 40 minutes. More time for clearing up - sigh.

11. Pre-heat your oven to 180 C and bake your loaf for about 45 minutes until the top is golden brown. I used foil over the top of the loaf which ended up being a little bit of a mistake. It stuck to all the glorious, bubbling cheese! It did come off but perhaps I should have popped it in the oven naked!

12. It's ready! Unlike other breads, don't expect this one to sound hollow when you tap the bottom. I wouldn't recommend even looking at the bottom if you're used to making standard loaves - it looks a little soggy but I promise you, that's what it's supposed to look like!

13. Eat and be happy.

An interesting note about my experiment with this bread. Have you ever asked yourself - can I use yeast that's out of date? Well, based on this particular experience, I would say the answer is yes. My yeast was dated best before 6 months ago. I gave it a go, not really expecting anything to come of it, and it worked perfectly. Happy days.

This bread doesn't really need anything added to it to be enjoyed. Even the next day, cold, it tasted delicious and didn't need any additional flavours. I consider butter to be a flavour, by the way!

This is a really easy recipe so adapt it to make any tear and share bread that takes your fancy. How about chocolate and orange tear and share bread? Or apple and cinnamon? Cheese and bacon? Oh - bliss!

A Happy Place Tuesday

I woke up this morning long after the sun had risen. Actually, it's winter so it wasn't that long after the sun rose which doesn't make me any less lazy but does make me feel better!

There's nothing quite like waking up and knowing that the day is all your own. It's the last day of my holidays so, despite feeling slightly under the weather (damn UC), I was determined to pack as much in as I could before my time is under someone else's rule.

After a fairly lazy rising mixed together with a little panic when I realised that I'd sold something on ebay and needed to package it up for posting, I met my mum and we hit the superstore. While mum went round and actually did her weekly shop, I went round and was transported to childhood as I stared in awe at all the Christmas decorations and scrummy foods. Did I mention that I LOVE Christmas? But more on that in another post... (probably numerous other posts!)

I forgot to mention one fab detail of the day - the weather! It was the first proper frost of the season and the whole world had been doused with silvery glitter. Add to that, the lovely winter sun was out full force which made the glitter sparkle and made me all dreamy for skipping through the park on a crisp morning. However, I just stared at it from my window. Much warmer that way.

Shopping was done. We took my granny to the library where I hadn't been for months and months. In my experience, old ladies like to take their time with certain tasks and excursions. Not my granny. Not today at any rate. I was holding some books to look at to see if I wanted to borrow them when it was suddenly time to go. And when it's time to go, it's time to go. So I rushed away with several books:

1. Super Stretch. Creating a more flexible me in only 1 hour a week - I'm happy with that.
2. Is Gluten Making Me Ill? A doorstop book that I hope to build up the enthusiasm to read. I also might just wait until my Dietitian's appointment at the end of December and ask her!
3. A book about button crafts. I don't know the name of it because I left it with my mum for her to read for the moment.
4. The Waist Line Plan. I was happy with this choice until I finally got around to reading the cover once I was home. The subline of the book is: Beat Middle-Age spread in just 6 weeks.

*Tumbleweed*

Hmmm - maybe not so happy any more but what the hey - I'm only 30 and 18 months so it's obviously just a book that's not for me. Then I turned it over and read the blurb: "Essential reading for anyone over 30..."

*Angry tumbleweed*

30 is middle aged? How to make a girl feel down in one easy sentence!

I'll still read it and probably it will be the most interesting book of all my picks. But then that might be the senility kicking in!

After that, it was a double whammy of happiness as I read some of the new Nora Roberts book (The Dark Witch) and watched an episode of The Pioneer Woman as she cooked her way through chocolate recipes and a chowder.

The characters in Nora Roberts' books never fail to make me happy. I want to be them (even the ones that fight the forces of darkness!) and I want their lives and their relationships. Not to mention their houses, gardens, dogs and etc. It's a happy place. If I had to choose one to be - I want to be Parker from the Bride Quartet. But that's for another post, too!

I've recently discovered that Ree Drummond's kitchen is another happy place. Her family, life, ranch - everything looks so idyllic and I covet. How I covet!

From there it was onto another happy place. Fair enough that any place that serves delicious food must be a happy place! In this case it was Wok and Spice - a Chinese buffet in the next town over. I ate heartily and of things that I know are a little, shall we say dubious, to one with my bowels! But it was goooood.

The afternoon pretty much consisted of a mixture of recovering from lunch and experimenting with a new tear and share bread recipe. I'm thinking of calling it Three Cheese and Roasted Tomato Tear and Share Bread. It's just done the second rise and is about to be popped in the oven. If the recipe works out (and tastes delish) then I'll share it tomorrow!

So what's next for the rest of the day? Well, I have plans to go for a walk with my dad. The sun has now been down for a couple of hours and the frost didn't lift all day. Without the sun, I'm anticipating a bitter cold but it does give me a nice excuse to wear some cute woolly bunnets and scarves and wrap up all snuggly.

Speaking of snuggly, I have more grand plans for this evening. I think, to honour my last day of freedom for a while, I will snuggle up with my cosy trousers (polar bears, no less), a warming cup of tea (in a very apt mug) and Christmas movies. Sounds delightful.

And the perfect end to what has been a really fun time off. But useful too, I have only a few other bits and bobs to go and I'm ready for Christmas!

Not long to go now!

J xx

A pain in the bahookie...

Bahookie, noun (Scottish): one's backside, bottom or bum

I suppose I am quite a greedy person which is why one illness would never have been enough for me. If one is good then two must be better!

When I was 24 years old, I was diagnosed with the chronic bowel disease, Ulcerative Colitis. This is an inflammatory disease (the sister disease to Crohn's disease) that affects the large intestine and brings with it the kind of symptoms that people don't normally discuss! If you want all the juicy details, click here.

My road to diagnosis was, compared to many others, relatively smooth. I was having a tough time at work and had been signed off with stress (illness number 2 - come on down!). During that time, I noticed that I had some blood in my stool.

This is where I will take a break to apologise and inform you that one of the biggest symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis is the lowering of any embarrassment when talking about poop and etc. Where other people cringe, blush or suffer from abject horror, I can talk crap until the cows come home. This is the only (the one and only) symptom of UC that is contagious and I note that my family also talk crap on occasion!

Anyway, being of a certain generation and a nosey parker, I quickly went online to find out what was wrong with me. I self diagnosed myself and went to the doctor to tell him all about it.

I remember quite clearly telling him my symptoms with my mum beside me for support. In an attempt to alleviate my worries, my mum said to Mr Dr: "She's convinced herself she's got Crohn's disease!" The words "silly billy" were implied by the tone. Nobody obviously told Mr Dr that the correct response to such a statement is something along the lines of: "Don't worry - she hasn't." Not my doctor. He comes back with: "She probably has!"

Oh for heaven's sake! Wasn't he the same doc that just signed me off for stress? Do I look like I'm a calm, non-worrying sort of person? Thought not!

Anyway, what he lacked in tact, he more than made up for in doctoring when he managed to get me an appointment with the hospital with great haste.

To protect the innocent, I will now provide you with some words and allow you to fill in the details yourself.

Tears.
Panic.
Big lunch.
Hospital gown with gaping back.
Enema.
Shame.
Colonoscopy.
Tea and toast.

Hospital toast is the best - isn't it? I remember vividly the surgeon/consultant-man coming over to me while I was lying in the bed, recovering, and told me I had UC.

My reaction: Cool - is there any more toast?

It was only once I'd bought myself a book about my disease that I realised the huge impact this potentially could have on me. I guess, when something doesn't have the word 'disease' in the title - you just don't seem to think it's that bad.


I'm now an old hand at this bowel business. Foam enemas, laxatives, colonoscopies, steroids, blood, guts and hospitals - I've had an education!

I'm now on 12 tablets a day to keep me under control (in body, at least) and haven't had a major flare up for about a year. Having at one time been on 28 tablets a day - I'm quite pleased with that!

I suppose that the reason for this walk down memory lane is because of how I've been feeling lately. I just don't feel great. I've been trying to come up with more descriptive words but that sums it up. I don't feel quite right.

Despite most people, most medical people anyway, assuring everyone that food doesn't make any difference to UC, I can't quite believe it. How? How is that possible?

Even though I believe that food can and does affect the disease, I have to hold my hands up and say that my diet is worse than atrocious. I'm actually ashamed of how badly I eat, when I eat, what I eat and if I eat. And I feel that I really suffer for it. Food hurts.

I have been contemplating an elimination diet where I go right back to the basics and start to reintroduce foods one by one until I see what makes a difference and what doesn't. I'm not sure if I've got the willpower for this, if I'm honest. Yet, should it work, my energy levels will increase, my bloating might disappear, my skin could improve and I just might start to feel AWESOME!

Surely there has to be some sort of sacrifice to get some potentially amazing benefits.

I'll let you know.

The last binge now it's time to undo...

Practically every single Sunday I make a vow to myself that this next week will be the start of something good. I will make the changes that I need to make to allow myself to be happy. Every single time I mean it and I plan to follow through. Yet, every single time something happens during the week that knocks me down and while I always get back up, it means that each and every Sunday I plan to start again the next day.

My mum is always telling me that I'm too hard on myself and that I'm my own worst enemy. Perhaps I am putting too much pressure on myself to succeed. Changing my life in one massive swoop rather than doing it bit by bit and making it stick.

As with any end, I went out in style. And when I say style, I mean an absolutely disgusting binge that made me feel equal measures of shame and nausea.

I know that with my bowel disease, I need to make sure that I am eating good and nutritious foods. Yet I seem to be making poor choices more and more often. I'll be honest and say that my bad diet is also risking my healthy weight that took me a long while to get down to. I definitely don't want to go backwards. Or upwards as the case may be.

Not only that but my sister sent me this link that shows the relationship between anxiety/depression and your gut health. You can read it here if you're interested.

The long and the short of it is that if I improve my diet - every single part of me will benefit. When you think about it, that's not a lot of outlay for some major enhancements in my life. Especially when the enhancements are on things that are causing me some major stresses in my life.

The next thing that happened is that my mum emailed me with a link to a book.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Meghan Telpner's 'Undiet: Eat Your Way to Vibrant Health'.

Almost from the first I fell in love with this book and with Meghan. Her whole philosophy is one that I can really get behind.

She's not about counting calories or monitoring what you eat - she just wants you to eat cleanly. One of the best parts of this book is, for me, not actually the bits about eating. The bits about how happiness and health go hand in hand have really spoken to me. I'd be the first to admit that I'm not doing a job that I love. In fact, if I had to point out one of the major stress points in my life - my job wins hand down. It's well paid and while I like the income, it really isn't worth all the drama and ill-health that it causes me. I think that I'm just not cut out to be in the corporate world.

But more about that another day.

This book is definitely not a diet.

Basically, if I was looking for a sign, this is it. All these things - the universe must be telling me to get off my behind and get things done. And if it's not the universe that's telling me - I should still really get up and gain control. I'm such a control freak in every other aspect of my life - why not the one that matters most?

My first week's challenge is to drink at least 8-10 glasses of water a day. A lot of people suggest this as a healthy way to, ahem, flush your system and I certainly don't get enough to do so despite practically living in the toilet. (Sorry, bowel disease definitely leads to over sharing when it comes to toilet talk!) So, rather than just get started, I had to make it fun! So I bought myself this:

How lovely! Keeps all my water in an easy to measure container while also reminding me to SMILE! Plus it's made of something other than plastic which is apparently bad news for bowel watchers like me!

Mr Happy - makes flushing fun!

Anyway, I've still to finish the book but already I hope to make some big changes on the back of it.

This time I mean it and this time I plan to follow through.

Which, in view of the recent content of this post, is a little gross.

Oh well!

Born to Hand Pie, Baby!

As I mentioned in my last post, I did some baking from a recipe found on Pinterest the other day and it was a HUGE success! Blueberry Hand Pies with an Orange Glaze.

Now, I really have no idea what makes it a hand pie. Perhaps it’s just the fact that it’s made by hand? Who knows? It was tasty anyway and it got a great little song in my head to sing while I baked!

I got the recipe from a pretty little blog called A Farmgirl’s Dabbles. Being a gal from South Dakota, the dabbling farmgirl’s recipe was perfect for those from across the pond but not so good for us Brits.

So, when attempting the recipe, I had to convert it and thought I would share my britified version for anyone else to try.

Check out the original version here.

Blueberry Hand Pies with Orange Glaze
Makes 12

Ingredients

For the pastry
11oz plain flour
1tbsp castor sugar
1 tsp salt
Orange zest from 1 large orange
8oz unsalted butter cut into small pieces
Roughly 90ml of cold water
1 large egg white beaten with 1tbsp water

For the cinnamon sugar
1oz sugar
pinch of cinnamon

For the blueberry filling
1 small punnet (about 250g/9oz) blueberries
2 tsp freshly squeezed orange juice
2oz brown sugar
Pinch of salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cornflour

For the glaze
100g icing sugar
Approximately 1 tbsp freshly squeezed orange juice


Instructions

So here we go...

First make the pastry.

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, salt and orange zest. Rub in the butter until your pastry resembles chunky breadcrumbs.

Tip in some of the cold water, a little at a time, and mix together until the dough forms and sticks together. Make a ball shape then divide it in two. Place each piece into the fridge for about 1 hour while you prepare the other bits for your pies.







In a small bowl, beat together the egg white and 1 tablespoon of water to create an egg wash. Leave this to the side for now.


Make the cinnamon sugar by mixing together the sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Put this aside.








Now it’s time to make the blueberry filling. In a small bowl, mix together the blueberries and orange juice before adding in the brown sugar, cinnamon and cornflour. Put this aside, too!






If your hour isn’t up yet, this recipe is a great one for allowing you to clear up as you go. I’m no neat freak in the kitchen so being able to do a little bit at a time really helped the kitchen not look like a certified disaster zone when I finished. This is especially important when all you want to do when the pies are done is to sit down and eat them!


Your hour is up so let’s put together the hand pies, baby!


Preheat the oven to 180˚ (160˚ for Fan) or GM4. You’ll need about 2 ‘normal’ size baking trays. I didn’t line my trays and found that the pies didn’t stick at all. Less clearing up for me!


Before you roll out your dough, you might be interested in a quick trick that I use to make sure that the pastry doesn’t stick to the unit top. I take a wet cloth and wipe over the unit, leaving just a very light glaze of water on the surface. Now sprinkle your flour on the surface and ensure it’s covered. The dampness should keep the flour steady and not transfer it to your dough (and change the make-up of your dough). It should also mean you don’t have to use so much flour and the dough should never stick. Hopefully!


Shape the first half of dough into a rectangle shape. Your rectangle should be 9”x12” which can then be cut into 12 3” squares. Move each square onto your baking trays.


Brush some egg wash over the surface of each square before dividing the blueberry mix equally into the middle of each square.



Now roll out the rest of the dough into another rectangle that measures 9”x12” and again cut it into 3” squares. Now place each of these squares over your first squares with the blueberries. Use a fork to crimp and join the edges of each pie. Now, take a sharp knife and cut a small ‘x’ into the top of each pie to stop it exploding when it’s in the oven.











Brush the rest of the egg wash over the top of each pie before sprinkling generously with the cinnamon sugar.

Pop in the over for about 25 minutes or until the pastry is golden and the filling is bubbling out the top or through the edges. It looks so rustic and tasty!


If you can bear it, wait about 10 minutes before transferring the pies to a wire rack to cool.

Now you can make the glaze.

Pop your icing sugar in a small bowl and start adding the fresh orange juice until the consistency is dribbles but isn’t too runny! Drizzle over the pies (making a huge mess in the process) then leave to cool - again if you can wait.

The pies are best served hot or warm on the day they are baked. They can be frozen but let’s be honest, there probably won’t be any left to freeze once everyone’s had a taste.

Delicious!

Keeping Busy...

Tomorrow I have a date and, as is to be expected, I'm a little bit nervous about it.

Hell, this is me - I'm very nervous about it!!

So, in order to counteract the nerves, I decided to try and fit as much into today as possible.

It started with a morning trip to the garden centre for scones. Since I hadn't had breakfast in anticipation of a big snack (and because I didn't get up in enough time to actually grab something before heading out the door!), I had a cinnamon scone stuffed full of fresh, whipped cream and jam. To go along with that, I chose a strawberry frappe again with a mountain of fresh, whipped cream and dozens of mini marshmallows! Delish!

As is my usual behaviour, I next went in search of the 'Dead and Dying Plants' section. I wouldn't normally count myself as a 'saver' but there is something about the plants that even the garden centres have written off, that makes me want to buy them all up. I have plenty in my garden that are thriving, many years after being liberated from the plant mortuary. Plus, as everyone knows, I love me a bargain and, at usually £1 a go, these plants are definitely a bargain.

Today there weren't too many plants on offer - perhaps it's that time of year. I ended up with another herb for my newly planted herb patch and a pretty red berry shrub which I can't recall the name of, but it's going to look lovely in the garden through the winter months.

Next on the list was a very quick lunch at mum and dad's before my sis and I took her dog, Molly the Molificent, up to get her toenails trimmed. All I can remember from that trip was that the dog is cray-zay. My thighs are bruised beyond belief from her jumping on me in the car - numerous times. I didn't come off the worst, though, as the dog groomer suffered a major gash in her arm when Molly was wriggling around! Oops!

I decided that I would have a go at making Blueberry Hand Pies next. I found the recipe on my beloved Pinterest courtesy of a blog called A Farmgirl's Dabbles. I had to Britify the recipe to make it work for me but, overall, what a great recipe. I'll post my conversions later on should any other Brits want to have a go but can't be bothered to work it all out themselves!

Did I mention that the pies were fab-u-lous?! I even had to take a quick drive round to my parents house while they were still warm just so that they could also delight in the loveliness of these hand pies still toasty from the oven. Mmmmmmm.

I then got stuck into my garden - cutting the grass and doing some major weeding, as well as planting my new plants. Or one of them at least! I got foiled by the rain half way through. I would have normally just stayed out and finished but, remembering I have a date tomorrow, I couldn't let my hair go all frizzy!!

I went for a quick walk after my tea (cream of chicken soup) and then settled down to movie night.

My film of choice this night was Footloose, but - shock horror - the 2011 version! I've never seen it before and since I adore the original film, I decided to buy it (another bargain at £3!) and give it a go.

My film review is that it's nowhere near as good as the original but how could it ever be? Apart from that, it's a very acceptable film and I can see the yoof of today really enjoying the updated story. I also (don't tell anyone) prefer the female lead in this newer version as I never could really get behind Lori Singer. They've changed the story slightly in some parts and, in others, kept so much the same that you really catch glimpses of the cast and characters of the original film. Most of the songs had also been modernised which worked in some versions, not so much in others. The dancing, as always, is fantastic, great to watch and makes me want to put my tap and ballet skills to better use!

One particular thing that I noticed was that this cast looked so much younger than in the 1984 version. I decided to do a quick experiment and was thoroughly shocked to find out that most of the actors were the same age, and, much older than the teenagers they are supposed to be portraying. So that boils down to one thing. I watched the 1984 version when I was a kid and therefore all the actors looked ANCIENT! Now, I'm an adult watching the 2011 version and thinking that people the same age as the ancient people were, now look like 12 year olds! That can only mean that I'm getting old! Eeek!

Well, must head off and get some beauty sleep. I'll add the pictures tomorrow.

Sweet dreams.

The next step...

I had another great day off, today.

My mum and I went shopping where she forced me to buy some bargains - and I do love a good bargain. Among others I got a pair of heels for only £3.50. That's only £1.75 a shoe!

After this, we headed to our local Chinese Buffet restaurant to partake in a deliciously sumptuous lunch. There's definitely something about this place that I really enjoy. You go in, sit down, order your drink and then you can immediately start loading your plate. My favourite has to be the chicken balls but I do love that I can try lots of different things without committing to a full meal of only one thing.

As usual, I ate too much but the food was delicious and the company even better.

It was then my turn to force mum to continue with the shopping and we went to a couple of shops up at the other end of town where there was a sale on! Yay!

A few pennies lighter, I came away with some lovely things including a lovely set of 'lounge wear'. I do love casual clothes and even more so when the weather is changing as it currently is with us. Despite the warm weather today, the nights are fair drawing in and you can definitely detect a slight nip that signals the coming autumn. With that change comes all the autumn and winter gear appearing in the shops. While I've yet to see any hats and gloves - I have seen plenty of cosy cardigans, fuzzy boots and big comfy socks.

I enjoyed the sun and the long nights but I do admit that I have a partiality for the chill of autumn and the crispness of winter. All the while being tucked up inside, ideally beside a roaring fire. But more on that another day.

My last task of the day was to take the next step of the new, daring me! I booked my first tattoo!

I've always wanted a tattoo but over the years I've managed to talk myself out of it by thinking too much. With the bravery of my piercings still trickling through me, I bit the bullet and booked myself in for Monday!

Rather than going for what I'd always assumed I would get (a small lion rampant or thistle on my hip), I fell in love with this little heart tattoo on the neck. I just couldn't decide what I wanted on my hip and, as my wise mum told me, if I didn't LOVE the tattoo, I shouldn't get it. So the heart tattoo will be my jumping off point. Starting small - I like that!

Tomorrow I'm attending a course that my psychologist booked me on about dealing with stress. It's not funny, but I'm quite anxious about going. I wonder if that's the first lesson - how not to get stressed when attending a stress course! Honestly!

To be fair, I really have seen an improvement in myself and I'm excited that I'm finally feeling like I might be on the right path. Long may it continue.