Conversations with Tilly

Looking after Tilly is a little more exhausting than I ever suspected. Although don't get me wrong, it's also a lot of fun.

I've read so many articles about how to properly train your puppy that I feel like I'm becoming something of an expert. Having said that, whether I'm following through on the advice is another story all together.

Once piece of advice that has stuck in my mind is, "Don't speak to your dog as if they can understand English - speak in one word commands which they are more likely to understand."

Well, taking this advice, I decided to write down some of the conversations that I've been having with Tilly over the last wee while. In one word commands. Obviously.

"Goddammit - you've broken the sperm!"

Said to Tilly when she got hold of, and chewed, my house keys which sport a classy glow in the dark sperm keyring.

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"Well, only one of us is going to have a pink pony nose in their poo and it sure as hell won't be me."

After Tilly ate the face of a bright pink My Little Pony.

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"You don't see me eating my bed, do you?"

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"I sincerely hope you're not pooing in the hall!"

Shouted from the kitchen when things went suspiciously quiet.

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"Honestly - if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times - don't put your bum in my face"

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"Leave my boots - eat your horse."

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"You can read the book but please don't eat it."